God, I've been feeling so out of it. So ostracised. I feel every where I turn, every situation I'm in (minus being with Andrew), I'm the only one standing. Everyone seems to desert me as soon as other people, other friends (or what's above acquaintances?) show up, they gravitates towards them and away from me. I'm alone. All alone. No, I don't really want pity. I have enough for myself at the moment (haha!).
Is it the changes in me? The rediscovery of my true self that is driving people away? It's not like I'm broadcasting these changes to the world, but perhaps it's the hint that I just don't fit that mold, that "idea" they have of me. I've already been written off by someone who swore up and down they'd always be there for me, but in all honesty, they were toxic to me. It doesn't discount the fact that it hurt in that moment.
While some of my friends seem to be deserting me, I know they'll tell me that I can count on them, but I still feel that there's a part of me that needs to rely on my only-child instincts of being able to be by myself.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
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4 comments:
Being able to be by yourself is an important skill, regardless of what else is happening.
That said, some of us are still in the Fan Club, for whatever that's worth. :)
Yes, I can absolutely be by myself when comes to me-time. However, in social situations, where there are people around, and I'm suddenly cast off to the side, that's a different story; and that's certainly a different skill.
hey there, I just saw this and first of all, what changes have been going on that you think would push people away?
second, as a rule, people don't like change. if they have one impression of you as their friend you change your life radically.. you're not the same person they thought you were.
sometimes we have friends based on the things we like and have in common, like the things we like to do, or career goals... and if you change your life, while its sad that you could lose some friends, it shows that your friends were there because its easy to hang out while you have the same goals, this could be an opportunity to make new friends who live more like the life you're working towards.
Yup, totally hear ya! And I have absolutely been attracting new people into my life. It was just kind of a weird thing that had happened. Two incidences where two different sets of friends seemed to "abandon" me (yes, I'm exaggerating every so slightly ;-)). The situation is a little better now on my end.
Being in California has changed my outlook on life, and the *subtle* positive differences is what's coming through. Some friends and I just have a difference in opinion (no harm, no foul)...other friends ~ well, I guess they just mesh better. Some of their ideals, I just don't vibe with. It's all good. :-)
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